sci_starborne: Sign of the Fox (Default)
Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014 01:10 am
I should start using these journals again.

Social media digests no longer repost here, as the plugins I used are now broken. And resetting them currently tries to repost my entire 35k Twitter history in one go. More importantly though, when I made the paranoid choice years ago to stop using my journals for personal things I removed the driving force for using them at all. I lost my primary outlet, and the friends I had were not using the other channels I had somehow expected they would. I cut myself off.

Things have not been going so well. The last few months in particular. I hit a sort of breaking-point regarding my personal identity and business stuff.

Firstly, "the business" isn't earning me anything. At best, it pays for itself. And I've gotten into the harmful mindset that if something isn't working, it means I haven't been sacrificing enough.
The business is broken, and it's taken me breaking too to realise it.

That I've mentioned it first is also a symptom of the other problem. I am utterly conflated with it. I am no longer a person, but an amblatory state of self-employment. It's all people ask me about, and all I am able to talk about. I have in a very fundemental way lost myself.

Since this realisation, I've thankfully had support from a few people who've previously been distant enough not to be pushed away by my change into this, but been close enough to remind me of who I used to be.

I have a little money in the bank right now. Only a couple of hundred, but no debts. It's enough to float along and take advantage of a few cheap train fares. Get myself social again.

I've closed to new orders while I work out how to handle the business stuff. Closing up entirely is an option, but I'd rather not let all the skills, equipment and good-will I've accumulated go to waste.

Primarily though I'm trying to clear-decks. Clear everything off my to-do lists. I've accumulated far too many things that are weighing me down in a swamp of incompletion, sapping any momments of free time into a state of "I should do that rather than waste time relaxing".

And relaxing is what I'm trying to do. I'm letting myself play games, go out, see people, just chat. I hope I might even find the will to read, write and draw again too. Reminding myself of my prior strengths has helped me lay a mental path of where I want to find my way back to, if back is really the word.

When I said I was lost, this is what I meant. I'm trying to remember the person I was, and get back to that sort of person. Maybe stronger, better, if I can.

I'm exhausted a lot right now. I can currently manage 3-4 tasks a day before I'm spent. Things are improving a little though.

I'll try to update with my current plans soon.
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Thursday, February 27th, 2014 01:36 am

Mirrored from The blog-hub for Peter "Sci" Turpin.

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Wednesday, February 26th, 2014 07:31 pm

Anonymous asked: i’ve seen the brony documentary, and that dad is uncomfortable bout mlp because he thinks… tmblr.co/ZRCJGy18asuAH

Mirrored from The blog-hub for Peter "Sci" Turpin.

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Wednesday, February 26th, 2014 07:26 pm

yeahwriters: referenceforwriters: Hemingway App thetrolliestcritic: Hemingway makes your writing bold and… tmblr.co/ZRCJGy18arG9E

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Wednesday, February 26th, 2014 07:24 pm

Photo: newtonandhermann: jackpowerx: fuckyesfeminist: Average size mannequin with average size woman. The… tmblr.co/ZRCJGy18aqoch

Mirrored from The blog-hub for Peter "Sci" Turpin.

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Wednesday, February 26th, 2014 04:56 pm

Photo: hometown-unicorn: My eye caught a dark form lying on the river bottom. It took me a few moments to… tmblr.co/ZRCJGy18aBWzI

Mirrored from The blog-hub for Peter "Sci" Turpin.

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Wednesday, February 26th, 2014 03:17 pm

Photoset: paisleypawpads: camerapits: rift-in-the-warp: strudelgit: dytabytes: madsabroo:… tmblr.co/ZRCJGy18ZoyNp

Mirrored from The blog-hub for Peter "Sci" Turpin.

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Wednesday, February 26th, 2014 03:14 pm

Photoset: onebigpear: blenderbender1811: moriarty: saunterdown: baruchsbalthamos: littleblueartist: never… tmblr.co/ZRCJGy18ZoUwa

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Wednesday, February 26th, 2014 03:11 pm

Photoset: ollivander: technicolorcrows: ♥ If you encounter something like this, call animal control or the… tmblr.co/ZRCJGy18ZnkFJ

Mirrored from The blog-hub for Peter "Sci" Turpin.

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Wednesday, February 26th, 2014 02:08 pm

RT @rainbowlemur: I’ve just realised that the Astroboy movie is essentially the plot of Artificial Intelligence, except actually done much better.

Mirrored from The blog-hub for Peter "Sci" Turpin.

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Wednesday, February 26th, 2014 09:57 am

“When you hate, you take poison and expect someone else to die” – Hector Black (via… tmblr.co/ZRCJGy18YyoN3

Mirrored from The blog-hub for Peter "Sci" Turpin.

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Wednesday, February 26th, 2014 09:57 am

Photoset: jaqlthing: Just some dumb sketches for tonight. [1] – Oh hey first Ashryn drawing in years [2] -… tmblr.co/ZRCJGy18YyomC

Mirrored from The blog-hub for Peter "Sci" Turpin.

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Wednesday, February 26th, 2014 09:06 am

RT @YourAnonNews: U.S. Supreme Court makes it easier for police to enter your home without a warrant: huff.to/Ms8s81

Mirrored from The blog-hub for Peter "Sci" Turpin.

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Wednesday, February 26th, 2014 08:45 am

RT @weatherchannel: When night falls on North Korea, it gets REALLY dark there, as @NASA found: wxch.nl/1fRtlBv http://t.co/yRggtHJlOs

BhW1ec7IEAAtg4e

Mirrored from The blog-hub for Peter "Sci" Turpin.